Motherhood: My Magnum Opus

My mother has always told me that my brother and I are her magnum opus. I never put much thought into it growing up, you never really put much thought into your parent’s compliments as a teen. But now, as a mother, those words speak volumes to me. Being a mother is the hardest thing that I have ever done and will ever do, and I can assume that it will get harder as my boys get older (eh hem…teenager years). But these first 4 years of motherhood have been so challenging, exhausting and enlightening. I have learned so much about myself, and my body. I know myself so much better after becoming a mother, than I ever did before.

Let’s just start by saying that I am not one of those women who enjoyed being pregnant. I was overjoyed to have healthy growing babies and amazed that my body was doing it all on its own, but I was uncomfortable. Not just physically uncomfortable, but mentally. Hormones, stress, and physical discomfort probably all had something to do with it, but now I realize that I should have done a better job of taking care of myself mentally. I should have spent time on personal development. I should have rested more, given myself more grace. I was so busy throughout my pregnancies that I kind of forgot to enjoy the ride.

Don’t get so busy that you forget to enjoy the ride.

Fast forward…the boys are 4 and nearly 2. They are a handful, but over this 4 years, I have learned some things.

1. I have to take care of myself in order to care for others. This includes mentally AND physically. I spend at least an hour every day working on those two things. I grow my emotional and mental capacity through personal development. I strengthen and fuel my body through proper nutrition and workouts. If you cannot make time to take care of yourself, how will you have the capacity to care for anyone else. Be selfish in this, put yourself first.

2. Parent with grace, not perfection. This is some of the best parenting advice that I have ever received. It wasn’t any of that judgy, nonsense parenting advice that some people give. It was from amother whom I respect and has built a career for herself while raising a family. In this Instagram/Pinterest world we live in, it’s hard not to get caught up in all of the pretty images of birthday parties, holidays and playdates.

3. Say no. I include this in all of my lists of life lessons. Say no to playdates that you don’t want to go on. Say no to forced volunteer efforts. Say no to your kids when they are doing/asking for things that they don’t need. YOU are the boss. And if something is going to overstretch you or stress you out, don’t do it!

4. Be present. But not overly so. Be there to listen to your kids, to help their hurts and teach them to go through life as a decent human being. Put down your phone and play with them. Read to them. But don’t hover over their every action.

I am changed forever because of these two, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. They have broken and remade me, and I am stronger for it. As my mother once said, “my children are my magnum opus.”